Blindness

So they always warn about diabetes and obesity and blindness. Diabetes is very real. Diabetes in an obese person is very real. Losing your vision while having diabetes is very real. They never warn you of a rare brain disease that can rob you of your vision.

It's approximately April and your eyes start bothering you. You just assume the lights are bothering your eyes or allergies, yea it's allergies. A few weeks of this finally brings you to call the doctor. She gets you in a few weeks later because the doctor is part of the county hospital system. She recommends you to go to the eye doctor within 30 days, which takes you way longer to get in.
Finally the eye doctor appointment day gets here. The doctor dilates your eyes and goes through all the routines. You soon realize something is wrong. They notice your optic nerve is swollen. MRI, neurologist, and lumbar puncture later you have a diagnosis. A rare brain disease. Pseudotumor cerebri. This is most likely caused from being obese. They never warn you of this, only of diabetes stealing your vision. This is my disease. This is my daily pain.

Been hitting the gym...

So I hate to say this again, but I have started hitting the gym again.

My little sister gets married on Saturday. Life has been absolutely crazy the past few months, needless to say,  and financially we could not afford to pay to go to the gym. I am so thankful the other day that my trainer offered me a deal. I was to the end of my rope honestly and about to quit. I really believe God had him text me just at that time. Lets just say I am so sore...but its worth it...here we go :)

Frustration...Is not even the word to describe it

I have started working out again. I eat under or right around my 1800 calories a day, and try to stay  within a healthy life style of eating healthy not just eating all carbs or all fats all day. Low and behold, all I lose is a .2 pounds, or better yet, gain 2 pounds. That is my favorite! I do not think frustration is the word to describe weight loss. I am not sure why losing these few pounds I gained is so hard. Why is getting out of the 300's so flipping hard? I have been stuck here since September? It just gets to you mentally. Don't get me wrong, I am mentally into this. I want to lose weight, I am actually wanting to work out and eat right and be healthy, but why is my body not cooperating. I can once again see why someone could and would quit! I guess today is a new day of a new week and and all I can do is keep on keeping on, and so can you...Good luck:)

Its that time of year...Again

I guess I need to say I will see you all next year. I am not sure if anyone even reads this crap I write! I am hearing about all these new years resolutions on the TV tonight and have seen 8394723847324897329 commercials for different weight loss products and programs and all I can think of is the majority of the people joining these programs, and buying into this stuff will fail within 3 weeks. How horrible is that thinking? OH well, its the truth! Most guys see such a huge influx of people within the first few weeks of the year and by February they are all gone. I do not have the answer to what keeps people going, and what keeps people to go to the next year on the resolutions they make. I find that for me personally I really had to make a mental change and really had to want to change. There was a mental change there that was not there before. So here we are on December 31, 2012 about to embark on a bunch of empty resolutions and I have no way of helping you other than maybe some inspiration. Here is a picture of me from December of 2011- December 2012. I am sorry I don't have the answers. Just keep on keeping on and do not try to do too much at one time. That is the biggest thing I can say. Do not go to the gym for 3 hours every day this week or next, it wont work. Just start out a little bit, cut out one thing. Good luck!

Here is a picture from January and the 2nd is from tonight dec 31, 2012

It's Ok to Throw It away

Something that I have learned over this year is that it truly is OK to throw food away. It is OK to pour the sweat tea down the drain that is causing you to drink too many calories. Its OK to throw away the batch of cookies you made last week for yourself, but make sure you destroy them not just throw them into the trash. Pour the cookies out of the bag, or down the sink. Make sure those puppies are all ruined and you cant go back to that temptation!
This time of year is a struggle for many people with weight loss. I read online yesterday the last 2 weeks of the year is 4% of the year, and there is no reason to slide by the last 2 weeks and start on January 1st again. I have a milk allergy so to have cookies made is a special occasion. I have thrown things throughout the year this year because I knew I no longer needed them, and all I would do is eat and eat the food. I am so frugal so my frugalness was killing me throwing out the food, but my weight will kill me first. I am just giving you permission to buy a treat, eat part of it then throw the rest away, it really is OK. Do not wait till next week to get back on the weight loss wagon, or start the weight loss wagon, start today.

Weight gain

I can really see how someone can gain all the weight back. I never understood it before. I always got mad at the people I saw on TV who lost all the weight and then gain it all back. It is so easy to just get into a rut and start gaining weight back. I had knee surgery and its been way harder to get back into life than I expected, and I had just a minor surgery. I had to stop working out with my trainer.
I am so back into losing weight. I will not lose the 100 pound weight goal this year, which is really sad to me. At first I got down about the weight loss and started gaining. Now, I'm back at it realizing its the long term:). One month left till the new year!!

Knee surgery

So had a MRI and the dr found out I had a discoid meniscus. I had surgery a week ago today to reshape it. Surgery went fine, but I gained 9 pounds overnight it seemed. I think I'm holding onto a lot of water, which is very annoying. I am still up today, I hope that I can go back down. Still on bed rest. I get my stitches out next week :)